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Can't sleep. The sun isn't even hinting at rising. I am camped with the girls on the floor of my soon to be "old" condo thinking about the loss. People seem to assume that I'm selling to make some sort of financial gain, that I'm waking away from this with a boatload of money. The fact of the matter is that I'm paying a boatload of money to get out of this shithole. The longer I stay here the more money I will lose. In case you weren't paying attention, the housing market tanked, and in case you didn't know, selling a house is complicated and expensive financially and emotionally. As I lay uncomfortably on the floor of my empty living room in my sleeping bag and look around I see what made me fall in love with this place in the first place and I am sad it didn't work out. I was supposed to fix it up and flip it and move on to something bigger and better with money to spare, well that didn't happen. A few years after I bought I was still in the mindset to sell, but it was worth far less than I'd paid for it. So since I didn't exactly need to sell I did what a lot of people did and sat tight, hating living in this condo every day, waiting for the economy to recover. The recovery, if you can call it that, from possibly the biggest recession this country has seen, has been slow. When Clayton asked me to marry him I decided to take a chance, to cut my losses and run. It's complicated. I am taking a risk in hopes of a greater reward, a better living situation for me and my dogs and one day a family. I could keep waiting, miserably, for the economy to recover further, and in that time pay thousands more in interest and repairs over the next few years so that any profit gained by waiting is still essentially a loss. Instead I am getting out. In a few short hours we will be homeless. I wish I was more excited to be free, but the balance due at closing which is far more than I had anticipated is looming over me and I was unable to find a suitable rental that starts April 1 and we've been getting dicked around on the purchase of a new home and I'm beginning to feel like that will never happen and that was the whole point of moving out of here all along, to move into something better. In short, my life is a mess and I hope I'm not fucking it up worse.

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